I bet Izzy IP licensing would be wicked cheap these days.
New attraction for 2023? I hope the park is reading this.
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[Aerial swoop shot over BGW. We quickly zoom into Germany, and cut to old black & white slo-mo ride footage of Wild Izzy and kids in mid-90s fashion. Cue completely incongruous lute solo. Our narrator sounds like legendary NFL Films narrator John Facenda, plus a touch of SoCal beach bro.]
Remember Wild Izzy at Busch Gardens? Your grandparents probably do. He used to hang out in a quiet corner and give [condescendingly] kiddie rides.
[Cue bassy growing <phooom>, as if Independence Day ships are looming overhead]
But then some bigger monsters came to town...
[Jump cut to Izzy looking up; slide brightness down to near-total darkness]
...overshadowed him...
[Dutch-angle upward cut of shaggy abominable snowman; zoom tight to suggest encroachment]
...and kicked him out.
[Recycled CGI footage of insane Ludwig lurching toward camera; echoing cackle. Fade to darkness and silence. In their own time, violin and viola strike a slow and forlorn duet.]
[Fade in on recycled still of the Big Bad Wolf commercial forest, sans flying boy, with added vines twisting over and through everything. Slow pan across still shot implies movement.]
Izzy fled to the forest, but he didn't go far.
[Music rises, a bit more earnest but fraught]
He waited. He planned. He plotted.
[Frenetic full-orchestra rise, violins high and ripping the place to bits]
And in 2023 at Busch Gardens Williamsburg...
[Crescendo, then sudden full stop to music. Hard visual cut to black. Unnecessary bass-note-down-a-stone-well beat drop, despite there having been no dedicated drum part at all in the orchestral piece up to now. Total silence. Narrator returns, his voice somehow an even deeper bass than a moment ago]
...Izzy's back.
And HE'S PISSED.
[THE LARGEST AND LONGEST CONTINUOUS EXPLOSION IN VISUAL MARKETING HISTORY COMPLETELY FILLS THE SCREEN FOR SEVERAL SECONDS, WITH DOLBY TO MATCH]
[Flames slowly clear, revealing attraction logo. Narrator dramatically announces along as the viewer reads...]
WILD IZZY: PREJUDICIAL VENGEANCE.
[Music cue: standard "dunnn-dunnn, duh-duh-dunnn-dunnn" amusement ride preview piece]
The new indoor augmented-reality VR coaster experience at Busch Gardens Williamsburg!
Soar with Izzy through over eleven hundred feet of insane bully-stopping hallway intervention madness, as you show the legendary students at Creature High School that there's a new head monster in town!
And it's mandatory intermediary-assisted dialogue time for the bad guys, 'cuz he's not gonna take
[Dolby: <boom>]
the teasing
[Dolby: <boom>]
anymore.
[Close-in zoom and pause on a heroic Izzy, arms crossed, eyeing camera directly.]
Plus!
[Quick-cut montage of Izzy wearing a dinner jacket and standing behind a digital piano keyboard, one hand on keys and the other pointing at the camera. Minor CGI lens flare and digital confetti]
Every Thursday night is extended-hours Styx night in the all-new ROCKtoberfest Zone!
Join Izzy and friends on the Festhaus stage for a night of uneven prog-Broadway-hard rock, awkwardly celebrating the style and culture of the mid-1980s upper AND lower American Midwest!
[Final explosion, tasteful this time]
Wild Izzy: Prejudicial Vengeance and the all-new ROCKtoberfest Zone!
Coming summer 2023 to Busch Gardens! The BOLD Country.
[Final orchestra hit; hard cut to black]