Paddy: What's that there, landin' over Ireland Fenton?
Fenton: I don't know Paddy. It just dropped right out of the sky. It's a little wooden box.
Paddy: Give it here, let's have a look! (opens the box) What the devil is in there?
Fenton: Got me Paddy, but it's alive that's for sure.
Paddy: Give us a match then! (Paddy holds a match up to the box.)
-Whoa! It's a box, full of tiny little people, and they're all strapped into tiny little seats.
Fenton: They must be worth a fortune. Let's show them to Duncan.
(The boys start walking up a level of steps, and into an Irish pub. There they meet Duncan, who is polishing some dishes.)
Paddy: Hey Duncan! How much for a box full of tiny people?
(Duncan grabs the box and starts waving it around like crazy.)
Duncan: Ugh! Fairies! Get those pesky little critters out of me pub, you devilish little demons. Listen, take them out to the woods, and look for the glowing eyes of the Pooka. He'll know where to sell them. Ugh! It makes me blood cold just smelling them!
(The boys walk out of the pub, where they end up in the woods, and find the Pooka.)
Pooka: What have you got there you little urchins? (He exhales from his nostrils)
Paddy: It's a box, chock-full of fairies, and we're looking to sell 'em.
Pooka: Hop up on me back, and will sell them to old Moll, the which which lives up on Corkscrew Hill.
Fenton: That old Moll's an evil skeleton! (holds out a dead frog)
-You better take me lucky dead frog Paddy. It's never let me down.
Paddy: Keep your stinking frog, Fenton! I'm Paddy McGwoney; the luckiest kid in Ireland!
Pooka: Hang on tight, Paddy, and I'll protect ye! Them banshees will be wantin' to gobble up your fairies! The bloodsucking devils! Keep low, and will make a run for it.
Paddy:You're not thinking of jumping that, are you? You crazy beast! Wow!
Hurley(the troll): Good day there me Laddy! So, it's fairies you've got? I'll give you a copper for this juicy one!
(He snatches up a supposed audience member.)
Pooka: Paddy! For the love of Pete, duck down!
Hurley:Huh?
(The troll gets hit by a tree branch, and falls off the side of the cliff.)
Paddy:Happy landing, you cheap little troll!
(They approach the witches lair, where she is muttering some indistinct words.)
Moll:Some of this… Some of these… And now…
Paddy:Excuse me ma'am, a lovely box full of fairies, I'd say. I'll give you a good price.
Moll:Are they fresh? I only use fresh fairies in my cooking! ! They stink! Must be from America, the blackguards. Smutter! Haven't gotten any Irish Spring over there? They'd be no good toasted on a stick, but I can use 'em as soup stock, for my newt stew. (She leans the box dangerously close to the boiling cauldron.) Ugh! They're stuck to the box!
Paddy:Hey, wait a minute… I didn't know you were going to eat them. Give them back, you daft old cow!
Moll:Run along, you little varmint, or I'll turn you into a new and barbecue you!
Paddy:I changed me mind, and they're not for sale!
Moll: Archibald. (A griffon, named Archibald comes flying in the window.)
Archibald: How can I be of service, my lady?
Moll:Archibald! Go and drop this insulant little serpent, and his stinking fairies in the ocean, and let the sharks eat them. (Muttering to herself) Sharks can't taste anything anyway.
Archibald:You speak, I obey, enchanted one! (He grabs the box, and flies way up in the air. He then points the box towards his face.)
Paddy:Help! Pooka!
-Saints preserve us, me luck's run out, and we're in for a nasty fall!
Archibald:Enjoy your swim! (He drops the box. You can see the entire Island from up here.)
Paddy:Hang on! You fairies have magical powers right? Our only hope is to conjure the Pooka! He's down there by the castle, concentrate your magic on him now! That's it! Concentrate on the Pooka. We're all shark bait if you don't!
Pooka:Gotcha! (The Pooka catches the Paddy, and the box, making a big splash)
Paddy:You did it! Jolly good show! I am the luckiest kid in Ireland! If it weren't for you fairies, and your magic, I'd be fish food!
Fenton:Hey! Paddy!
Paddy:Duncan will take good care of you now. Here you go! Come on Fenton, let's go for a ride!
(In the background you can see them flying around on the Pooka.)
Duncan/McTavish:Aww! Two friends! I don't reckon Paddy and Fenton will ever forget this night. (Duncan suddenly morphs into McTavish, the man from the pre-show.) (As Mctavish:)… And I'm hoping the same goes for you. So long! And may the luck of the Irish always be with you!
(McTavish goes into his pocket, and blows magical fairy dust on the box and closes it.)
